I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
