this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
