i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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