all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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