i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
