Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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