At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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