You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He passed out mid-signature
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
