thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
