Is it because I queefed?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
