Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
