its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize