So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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