You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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