I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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