...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
