Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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