You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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