My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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