that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I could make wine with my vomit
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i out mim tonsoeep
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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