and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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