I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
