your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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