still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Damn victory sex feels great
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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