So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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