Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
