So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
