Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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