To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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