If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
