I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
where am i from again
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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