So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
