There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
