I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
