Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
