i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
