walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
