Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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