So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have already put on my inside pants.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
