i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
