somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
