The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
