What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
