I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
