cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
