I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
