We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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