His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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