just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
