I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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