You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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