i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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