just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
