I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh god it's open bar.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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