U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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