I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
