oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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