Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dick very happy bro
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
