Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
