Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
