didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
