I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
