Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
