and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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