The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
