tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
