Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
