I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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