Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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