Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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