If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
