You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
