Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
