No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Randomize
