Jerry, you need to find god
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
