Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There r osticjed everywhere
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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