It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
