I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
