I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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