I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
