I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
