and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
