Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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