I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize