last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I love having hate sex.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize