You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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