I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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