There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
