i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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