I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
