ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
