i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
