I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
