On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I hope mine doesn't look like that
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
