yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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