I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize