No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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